This week I heard a song, a song that an ex-boyfriend used to say, reminded him of me. I don’t know the actual meaning of the song, but in a literal sense it talked about fixing someone.
When I would hear this song in the past, it would make me feel sad and lonely, but to my surprise, this time I was angry.
Angry because I didn’t need fixing.
Angry because I allowed someone to make me feel broken.
Angry because I made myself smaller.
At the end of the song, I said out loud Fuck Him.
At the time, I was doing what I felt I needed to in order to keep this relationship going. I genuinely thought something was wrong with me. He was trying to mold me into someone else, trying to ‘make me better’. The reality is, he broke me down, tore apart my confidence. And at the end, I was this empty shell.
As the years have passed, I started to gain back my confidence. I stopped dimming my inner light for others. But as confident as I am today, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t scars. A lingering self doubt that creeps up on me from time to time.
I’m fortunate that in my journey of self discovery, I have found someone who supports me as a strong, independent woman. He’s not threatened by me nor does he try to change me; he helps me heal and grow. And I try to do the same for him. We’re equal partners – in it for life. I know that with time, those scars will continue to fade and hopefully one day they won’t be visible.
I’m not a mother, but when I think about young people growing up, I know we have to teach them self love and respect for their future partners. We need to teach them the value of lifting each other up. To not dim their own light or anyone else’s.
If you have to make yourself smaller to fit into someone’s life, there is going to be a cost.
A cost, that isn’t worth it.